literature

Blood of the Damned Chapter 1 - Trapped, Part 2

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Derek pounded against the edge of the field with all his might, trying to escape, but to no avail. This was a force field. He had no way of getting out, and by the looks of it, his friends had no way of getting in. Lisa, one of his most trusted friends, stood in front of him, trying to reach out to him. Her lips were moving in some sort of scream but nothing got to him. To let her know, he put his hands up to his ears, shaking his head. Remembering what he was up against, Derek turned back around to face the monster. He drew his swords, knowing he had to fight his way out of here.
He lunged at it, swinging both swords cross-body to ensure a wounding blow. Usually, he would consider it a killing blow, but with a demon, who knows what might happen? Absolutely casual, the demon sidestepped him. Derek felt rage fueling through his body. This was how it was going to be; simply fun and games. Not turning back around, he sheathed his swords. From a pouch he wore on his side, he withdrew a handful of needles, and in one swift move, spun, launching them all at the demon at unbreakable speeds. Most hit their mark, while the demon avoided some. It howled in pain.
Drawing his swords again, Derek launched at him. He was prepared to jump up, driving his swords into the demon's chest, but before he got that chance, the demon opened its mouth and let out a scream. This scream represented all hell being broken into the real world, and he was thrown to the ground. He dropped his swords, clutching madly at his ears, from which blood began to drip. Looking around him, he noticed his friends staring at the fight, panic lit in their eyes.
He forced himself to his feet, not willing to let himself die like this. Everything was blurry and it was a struggle to keep him intact with his consciousness. Using every ounce of concentration he could muster, Derek drew a single throwing knife and fired away, silently praying that his life might be spared that night. To his utmost despair, the knife missed and ricocheted off of the force field before impaling itself in the ground. It was enough to throw the demon off of its game, though, and Derek readied himself for the fight.
Again, he lunged, going for what he had attempted just minutes earlier. Again, before he could do anything, he found himself too weak to charge, and he collapsed onto the cold floor, staring blankly into space. The loss of blood was finally getting to him, and he did nothing but stare as the blood from his head and ears created a puddle on the ground.
While he lay there, something else was going on behind the scenes. The girl who had promised them the way out, was in midair, and floating towards the field. One-by-one, the eyes in the area were stopping to glance in that direction. The girl, her blonde hair floating behind her, eased through the force field and continued on towards the demon.
She had even the demon's attention now, and all the eyes were fixed on the girl, with the exception of Derek's, and she gave no inquisition that she had any idea. As she got closer and closer to the demon, the demon started backing up. It was scared! Nobody understood why. What force could possibly drive a thing like that away in such a way?
The demon continued to back up until he was against the force field and could not move any farther. He was trapped. The girl approached him and when she was within five feet, she spread her arms. From her arms grew two small, black fireballs, and a purple, magical aura surrounded her. Before everyone's eyes, the fireballs started to grow. They started off the size of an average stone, and grew. Before long they were easily the size of the demon's head, yet they continued to grow.
By ten seconds later, they were massive. At least the size of the girl, she had decided it was good enough. She slowly, patiently spread her arms, and the demon's eyes widened in horror as she threw them forward, launching the fireballs into the demon's chest. Every indication said that nobody or nothing could survive that. When the explosion cleared, nothing remained of the demon. The magic had disintegrated it, and the girl lowered down to her knees in exhaustion. The force field disappeared and the other people rushed in. A couple people took hold of the girl's arms and helped her to her feet, while most just stared at the almost lifeless body on the ground.
A few people had tears in their eyes. A few people stared emotionless in shock. A few were down on their knees by his side, trying to shake him awake, trying to pretend this was all a dream, and that it had not happened. Eventually, one-by-one, they gave up, and stayed on their knees, crying for the combined losses of Derek and Ellie. It was enough for one day, and even one life.
--------------------------End Of Chapter 1------------------------------
This is the highly emotional end to Chapter 1 of my hopefully book. I hope you all enjoy it and provide your honest feedback.
© 2012 - 2024 Dragonmark01
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Javelintarget's avatar
"Everything's so blurry and everyone's so fake" -- The 4th Paragraph made me think of that.

"...a thing like that away in such a way." That needs less rhyme. Along with that, it also doesn't make as much sense as it would if it'd been written differently. "...a thing like that away with such simplicity." or "...a thing like that away when the one controlling the force was so small."

"A couple people..." "A few people" ... "A few people" ... "A few were down..." Too much of this in one spot. Simmer it down. Maybe combine the sentences. At least the last three "A few people...while others...and several were also down..."

Fewer fix-em's on this one. Overall, good Chapter-part and very emotional. Brings out the feels.